Silly / Absurd

#95 · Mock sword fight

Two chopsticks, two participants, one kitchen. May the best duelist emerge victorious. Mind the good crockery.

Two chopsticks. Two people. Ideally a staircase, for the height advantage. A pirate voice is not compulsory but the whole thing collapses without one.

How to do it

1. Each combatant selects a chopstick with unnecessary ceremony.
2. Adopt a fencing stance you have seen in a film and do not understand.
3. Clack the chopsticks together slowly, calling your own sound effects.
4. Lose theatrically. The death is the point of the entire exercise.

Why it works

Two pieces of bamboo struck together produce a sharp, dry, high-pitched clack, because bamboo is dense and hollow-structured and rings rather than thuds. It is a genuinely satisfying noise, and it is doing more of the work here than either participant's swordsmanship.