Silly / Absurd

#94 · Tongue depressor (playing doctors)

You'll need a chopstick tongue depressor for a full examination. Say "aaah." Results are medically inconclusive.

For a child running a clinic in the living room, a chopstick is a convincing tongue depressor - the correct shape, the correct material, and satisfyingly official-looking when produced from a pocket.

Why it works

Real tongue depressors are thin wooden blades, and the reason they are wooden is that wood is cheap, disposable and does not conduct cold against the tongue the way metal does. A chopstick is the same material doing a narrower version of the same job, which is why it reads as authentic to a four-year-old immediately.

Tips & warnings

• Wash it between patients. Half the fun is the procedure anyway.
• 'Say ahh' is non-negotiable.
• Prescribe biscuits. It is what the profession would want.